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Still not dead   
05:38am 01/03/2005
  So, I finally figured out why no one could get to my new blog. Totally spelled it wrong. Who's a dumbass?

If you guessed me, you're correct. I don't actually have a prize though. You got ripped off on that. My bad.

It's mrsritter.blogspot.com


I also hope to begin posting over here more frequently soon.

(Tsk tsk tsk)

12:07am 09/07/2004
  Hey -

I have a new blog. This one just wasn't/isn't going where I want it to - you've all probably noticed the depressiveness of late. so here's the newest one: mrsritter.bloogspot.com

I'll still post here, I just wanted to point you all in the direction of the future.

Yours in whatever,

P.S. For your viewing pleasure, a lovely survey:Collapse )

(4 Tongue cluckers | Tsk tsk tsk)

All I want to say ...   
09:07pm 01/07/2004
  Sometimes I wish I could just have one of those supportive moms who think their children can't do anything wrong. Why does everything have to be some sort of life lesson?

I went to Bismarck and interviewed the governor's wife for this story about the governor's residence for From House to Home magazine.

The interview went fine and I wrote the story. I thought everything was good - my boss liked the story and when I brought it home for my parents to read, they seemed to like it too.

So I send the article in to the magazine.

Yesterday, I got a call from the magazine. Basically, they hnated the article. They thought it was completely disrespectful and that my sentences were too short (there was more, but I don't feel like listing them all.)

That was yesterday. I didn't tell my mom because I knew what her reaction would be. Today, I was talking to Megan (who I did tell, because she wanted to know why I was so cranky). Long story short, I ended up explaining to my mom.

Her response? "That's life."

The long version was this whole thing about how I still have things to learn and blah blah blah.

Later she was teasing me and said it was because she was trying to cheer me up. I thought, okay, here's an opportunity. So I said, "You know what would cheer me up? If my mom would just give me a hug and tell me she loves me and the people at the magazine are assholes and I'm a brilliant writer and that she liked my story."

Instead of just doing what would have made me feel so much better - I didn't care if it involved lying! - and just supporting me for once, she gave me this speech about working for other people and being in the grown-up world. As I was walking away, she said, "I've been a mom for 25 years and I still have things to learn."

And all I could think was, "Yeah, like to support your children when they need you."

There was more, including several blatant slams of the article in question (if it was that bad, why the fuck didn't she tell me that when I had her read it instead of waiting for the people from the magazine to tell me I have no talent?), but I don't feel like going into all the gory details.

Am I expecting too much?

(2 Tongue cluckers | Tsk tsk tsk)

01:47pm 01/07/2004
  Don't have much time, but I needed to get this out -

If you haven't seen them yet, check out the pictures of Saturn from Cassini. They're awesome.


I have new wallpaper. I'll probably change it every ten minutes from now on.

(Tsk tsk tsk)

Could it be that it was all so simple then .... ?   
08:55pm 27/06/2004
mood: pissed off
So, long time no see. Miss me?

So I'm sure you're all on the edge of your seat wondering what I've been up to. Well, if my family is to be believed, I've been off being a self-centered whiny, angry, selfish, stupid asshole/bitch. But that's just them. I'm pretty sure I've been like working and sleeping and stuff.

So, thank you for tuning in. Here's today's Alicia vs. The World dilemma. Feel free to weigh in.

My sister has a boyfriend. He's creepy and not cool on multiple levels. He's cheated on her, hit on me in not-so-subtle fashion and generally been bad all around.

At the end of July, my cousin will be getting married in Lake of the Woods, Minn., approximately five hours from my present location. My sister has decided that El Creepo will be attending the festivities with the family.

I just found out about this literally five minutes ago. Upon learning about this, I made my position clear: if he's going to the wedding, I am NOT.

Seems cut and dried enough, eh?

But no.

Instead of the "We're disappointed but we understand your position" cliche I was hoping for, I instead got the "You're dumb and this is your family and no one cares what you think. Your sister can do whatever she wants and no one gives flying fuck what you think so just pack your bags because you're going" speech.

In short, the trip that before was a "come with us if you don't have things to do for work" is now a "come with us or die" occasion.

So here's the question: Do I continue to push, despite the familial conflicts that will be caused by it and the fact that I will be further alienating the family that's really not all the fond of me anyway? Or, do I puss out and go on the vacation and return home suicidal (if at all)?

Decisions decisions ...


Love always,
Ferdinand the Magnificent

P.S. I missed you too.

(3 Tongue cluckers | Tsk tsk tsk)

Yes, but is it true?   
03:21am 08/04/2004
  No one here to guide you,
Now you're on your own.
Only me beside you,
Still you're not alone.
No one is alone.
Truly, no one is alone.

Sometimes people leave you
Half-way thru the woods.
Others may deceive you.
You decide what's good
You decide alone;
But no one is alone.

People make mistakes.
Fathers, mothers,
People make mistakes.
Holding to their own,
Thinking they're alone.
Honor their mistakes.
Everybody makes
One another's terrible mistakes.
Witches can be right.
Giants can be good.
You decide what's right.
You decide what's good.

Just remember: someone is on your side.
Someone else is not.
While you're seeing your side
Maybe you forgot
No one is alone.
Truly, no one is alone.

People make mistakes.
Fathers, mothers,
People make mistakes.
Holding to their own,
Thinking they're alone.
Honor their mistakes.
Everybody makes
One another's terrible mistakes.
Witches can be right.
Giants can be good.
You decide what's right.
You decide what's good.

Just remember: someone is on your side.
Someone else is not.
While you're seeing your side
Maybe you forgot
No one is alone.
Truly, no one is alone.
No one is alone.
No one is alone.
Truly, no one is alone.
No one is alone.
No one is alone.
No one is alone.
Truly, no one is alone.

(2 Tongue cluckers | Tsk tsk tsk)

I might like you better if we slept together ...   
03:34am 06/04/2004
  So, what's news, y'all? Haven't posted in a month. Did ya miss me? I did keep up with your journals, despite the fact that I haven't provided you with the opportunity to keep up with mine. My apologies.

anyhoo, what have I been doing?

Well, I clean sweeped my room at my parents' house (exciting I know). I got rid of at least half of my stuff. Anyone who's going to be in the Moorhead area on May 1 should stop by my house for the rummage sale. I'm parting with a bunch of DVDs, CDs, VHS tapes, audio cassettes and clothes (no Buffy shirts, sorry!) I got all new furniture and stuff, so good things are good and all that jazz. New carpet too. I love new carpet smell.

So I've been going home every weekend to work on the room and enjoy the fruits of my labor (and also shower, 'cause I'm crazy tired of dorm shower). I'm not sure why, but my parents both seem incredibly mad at me. It could be because I'm sort of flunking out of school, although they don't know that. It could be because I just dropped a ton of $$ on my new hair extensions. It could be because I'm just a tremendous disappointment in all categories. Either way, they hate me. Whatever.

I'm trying to stop pleasing people so much. Or rather, trying to please people. I'm trying to stop being so upset over it when they are upset with me. I don't know why it bothers me so much, but when Megan's tired and tells me to go away, it hurts me. It hurts me more than the unthinking words of a teenager should. I don't know why. It just does.

At least Xander loves me. Spike too. And Giles.

Love always,

Fernando the Lion-Hearted

(1 Tongue clucker | Tsk tsk tsk)

02:48am 06/04/2004
mood: crappy
Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says.
* The book doesn't have page numbers, but depending on where you start,it's either "with extreme pleasure. But that silence was never silence" or "she has come, in this moment, to know the uselessness of words"

What is the last thing you watched on TV?
* I just got done watching "Dazed and Confused, but that was on video. Before that, "Touched by an Angel" (don't ask), also on video. The last thing I watched on TV that was on TV at the time was Saturday Night Live on Saturday.

WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is.
* about 3 a.m.

Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
* 2:51 a.m.

With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
* Eminem's "Cleaning Out My Closet," people coming in and out of the floor, the keyboard clicking.

When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
* Around 8. Heidi, Christine and I went to Dairy Queen. I got the triple chocolate utopia. I ate like a third of it and almost got sick. Super-richness to the point of gross.

Before you came to this website, what did you look at?
* Does that mean the site before lj? 'Cause that'd be webmail.mnstate.edu

What are you wearing?
* A Buffy t-shirt (Willow and Tara) and navy blue pj pants.

Did you dream last night?
* Too weird to recount here.

When did you last laugh?
* Saturday. On SNL, George (from The Apprentice) said "It's only going to get harder from here" and Carolyn (the straight-laced blonde from The Apprentice) said "That's what she said." And her delivery was just right and I almost died.)

What is on the walls of the room you are in?
* Buffy pics from a calender, promo photos from press kits, two Animal House posters, a vintage poster from The Raven, etc., etc. A lot.

Seen anything weird lately?
* well, I did look in the mirror a little bit ago. I was inspecting my new hair extensions. Having seams in your head is weird.

What do you think of this quiz?
* It's kind of lame <-- ditto

What is the last film you saw?
* I just watched "Dazed and Confused," but that hardly qualifies as a film. I think the last quality cinematic piece I watched recently was "12 Monkeys."

If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?
* Either a home or a car, whichever I found the perfect one of first.

Tell us something about you that we don't know.
* I don't lie and cheat as much as most people think I do. Actually, I'm a fairly honest person. I only lie when I feel it necessary to protect myself.

If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
* Mandatory sterilization for people who abuse kids: moms of crack babies, child abusers, molesters, etc. etc.

Do you like to dance?
* Yes. Just not in front of people. When I'm alone in my room, I put on Sinatra or Bif Naked and then I tear up the rug.

George Bush: is he a power-crazy nut case or someone who is finally doing something that has needed to be done for years?
* something that's needed to be done for years? Like what, settle his daddy's old score and sell the country to the oil companies? Bully for you, ol' boy.

Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
* Anyanka Willow

Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
* Rupert Alexander Giles

Would you ever consider living abroad?
* Yep. I'd want to learn the language of wherever I was going to be though. Italy sounds beautiful. I don't know if it rains there often enough though.

(Tsk tsk tsk)

02:57pm 05/03/2004
mood: silly
I'm feeling a bit better.

In the union, there was this table set up of religious people talking about "The Passion of Christ." As I walked past the person at the west door, she asked, "Do you know about Jesus?"

I replied, "I'm Jewish. I killed him." She looked at me, bewildered, and moved on.

At the east door, there was another one of them. This one asked, "Have you seen the movie 'The Passion' yet?"

I replied, "No, but I read the book." He looked at me confused, so I clarified. "The bible." He nodded and gave me an insincere smile.

Funny, no?

(1 Tongue clucker | Tsk tsk tsk)

04:52am 05/03/2004
  There are many things I do not like (and I would, as a naturally whiny person, be the first one to tell you as much). At or near the top of that list is firedrills at 4:30 in the morning and people who call me a fat bitch for riding the elevator back up to the 8th floor.

Go figure. The first night in a long time that I've managed to fall asleep before 5 and this happens. Son of a bitch.

(Tsk tsk tsk)

That I would be good if I got and stayed sick ...   
01:55am 05/03/2004
mood: scared

I just can't ... I don't know. Whatever it is, I can't. I feel so sick all the time. I can't go to class, I can't go to work. I hurt too much to walk the four feet from my bed to my fridge so I don't eat for days. I'm so tired. I can sleep for days and I still feel tired. How can one person be so tired?

The Advocate went better this week. I brought in the cookies my mom made me and I bought everyone ice cream. They like me better when I buy them food.

So one thing has improved, while another has disintegrated completely. I feel like I'm losing myself. Yesterday, I went to give someone my phone number and I couldn't remember it. I literally couldn't remember my own phone number. I have to have lists for everything. I have a list for when I get ready in the morning (if I can muster up the energy to leave my bed) because if my hair isn't still wet, I don't know if I've showered. If my breath isn't minty, I don't know if I've brushed my teeth yet. I'm so scared. I make a list when I eat something because otherwise I don't remember when or even if I've eaten. I open a can of pop thirty seconds after I just opened one because I don't remember opening the first one.

I know this can't be normal. I know I should go to a doctor, but I've never found a doctor I like, who doesn't treat me like some loony. I was so sick for so many years and no one believed me. Why should they believe me now?

I remember being smart. I remember in elementary school I was the top of the class. They wanted me to skip grades, they thought the sun rose and set on me. Now it's all I can do to pass a basic English course.

Somedays, I think I must have been Hitler in a past life. I don't understand. I think I'm a good person. I don't go out of my way to hurt people. I'm there for my friends when they're down. I don't hoard what I have. I do what I can to help the less fortunate. I don't beat children. I don't even throw the butts on the ground if I'm smoking outside. Why does this have to happen to me?

I don't understand how we go through this. It's mortal and stupid ... and no one will explain to me why.

(1 Tongue clucker | Tsk tsk tsk)

A question about Illyria ...   
09:02pm 03/03/2004
  Don't read this until after you've seen tonight's "Angel" (the ep "Shells")

Read more...Collapse )

(1 Tongue clucker | Tsk tsk tsk)

"I'm so tired. Of playing. Playing with this bow and arrow ..."   
04:01am 03/03/2004
mood: sore
I know that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but how strong can one person get?

I'm like Arnold Schwarzenager.

Serious yo.


(2 Tongue cluckers | Tsk tsk tsk)

Losaduna was right - the malaise is setting in   
12:41am 25/02/2004
mood: The worst times infinity
Is it wrong that I want to kill my entire staff?

I just had the absolute worst Advo night of my long tenure here ... We did get done early, but I think it was mostly because everyone was mad at everyone else and no one was speaking to one another. It's amazing how productive we are when we're fighting ...

I'm not sure what the hell happened. Monday, everything was fine. Tuesday, everyone seemed to want everyone else dead.

Sarah is about ready to kill Umer over the problems with the ad resolution (I'm pretty pissed off myself - the ads we've been having problems with looking funny were either ones he scanned in at a low resolution and then magnified to 200 or 300 percent on the page or ones that he had manually changed the image size to smaller from the e-mailed version.)

The copy editors almost killed Dustin - I asked him to help edit pages because they were really backed up and he was complaining about them not having finished his pages, so he said he would, read half a story and then went and played pool in the ROC. I talked to him about it so hopefully it doesn't happen again.

Everyone is upset at Elissa - she keeps disappearing for an hour or two at a time. Also, she always assigns herself stories for her own page and then waits until the very last minute to do them. She had her first interview tonight at 6 for a story she decided she was running three weeks ago. The copy editors are mad because they had to stay later because she didn't have her pages ready. The other section editors are mad because they're getting paid the same as her and she's slacking off and I'm mad because everytime I try to help her or let her know this is a problem, she shows a complete lack of respect for me and what I'm asking her to do. She keeps making the same mistakes with things (pagination, design, type styles, etc.) over and over again and she doesn't care enough to change them. Grr. Arrgh.

I have absolutely no idea what happened. My mind is boggled. Hopefully everyone got it out of their system tonight and next week will be better. If you have any brilliant suggestions, I'm more than willing to hear them.


Love and other indoor sports,

(1 Tongue clucker | Tsk tsk tsk)

04:14am 21/02/2004
mood: unwell
Grr. Writing a paper that's due in 7 hours. Why o why did I once again wait until the last minute? I hate me.

It's about Caliph Haroun Al Rashid. The working title? "Rashid Blows Monkeys. And Occasionally Goats." Tee hee. I love me.

Got a bunch of henna in the mail so I'm trying to dye my hands pretty (yes, I am procrastinating!). It would go better if I had any artistic talent at all. Right now it's lame. Lame. I hate me.

Elissa didn't show up for work today. My boss called me more than an hour after E was supposed to show up and begged me to come in. I said I could come in for a few hours and the boss worshipped me. Got there and compliments rained down upon me. I love me.

On the way home, I went to the ATM and took out money I cna't afford to spend. Then I went to McDonalds and, despite having cash, I wrote a check for $2.64. Two things I should not be doing this week are eating McDonalds and spending money. I hate me.

I got a sweet sweet sweet sweet parking spot when I got back to my place. I love me.

I had no sooner finished eating the last French fry than I vomited. Worshipped the porcelain Buddha in a major way. Told you I shouldn't have done that. I hate me and my digestive system (or lack thereof).

Had musical night on my floor. Somebody said I was lying when I said I knew all the words to all the songs from Grease 2 except "Behind my Charade" and could sing along with all of them. I did (what did they think I did with all my free time? Studied? Went out into the world? Met people? Dated? Please!). Won the leftover pizza. I love me.

It was all green pepper-flavored pizza. I hate me.

Took the stairs down from the 12th floor (Hey, it's some exercise!). I love me.

I still haven't finished my paper. Grr. Arrgh. I hate me.

That was fun, eh? Anyhoo, update: I'm sick. I know, how many times can I type that without keeling over dead? I had pneumonia a few weeks back and I still haven't recovered. I guess that's the downside of having no immune system to speak of. The really sad part is, I haven't even lost any weight with my extended illness. That's mostly because when I fell ill (I like that phrase "fell ill" like I slipped and landed in a chronic disease ...) the only food I had in my place was pop, potato chips and two boxes of truffles (the chocolates, not the mushrooms). I did have Elissa go to the grocery store and get me some Yo-J and I had some vitamins inside my giant tub o' medications, so it was okay.

Anyways, back to my homework. Should I change the part about him engaging in fellatio with goats to camels? Are there more camels in the middle east? Would a bestialist find a camel more attractive for said activities than a goat? Anyone with answers on this front, please let me know before noon central time today, Saturday, so I can include that information in my paper on the feudal system and its effects on Al Rashid's dominion over Saudi Arabia et al.

Ugh. I think I'm going to throw up again. I'd best go - you don't really want to hear any more anyway.

Love and other indoor sports,

P.S. The WB blows both camels and goats. Plus the monkeys. And maybe some varieties of scorpions.

(Tsk tsk tsk)

09:18pm 13/02/2004
mood: worse than I though possible
It gets worse:


They cancelled Angel.

Just don't talk to me for at least a week. Someone will die. It could be you.

After this season of Angel is done, I'm officially NEVER watching the WB again. Those bastards. Why oh why would they do this? How could they do this?

Why does life have to hurt so much.

I swear to god if anyone says something to me about it only being a television show, heads will roll. It's more than that to me.

(4 Tongue cluckers | Tsk tsk tsk)

Dig if you will the picture ...   
06:24pm 13/02/2004
mood: crappy
So, it's Friday the 13th ...

Ugh. What a month it's been so far. I hate February. I honestly believe that if this month were any longer we could solve the population problem - everyone would kill themselves.

In my entire life, I can't think of one good thing that has happened to me in February. I get deathly ill every year. Something bad always happens to someone I care about. It's badness after badness after badness.

This year has of course been no exception. I haven't attended any of my classes in the past two weeks because I was sick. When I finally started feeling better, I had jury duty. I want to do jury duty, I do. But not today. Not this week.

It drives me crazy how things always work out like that for me. Something I want to happen happens, but at the worst possible time. Something I wished for comes true, but not the right way. Some days it just feels like the universe is against me. Like I try and try but I can never come out ahead, you know?

Grr. Arrgh.

I don't know. Whatever.

Sorry for the depression. March will be better.

I'm with Kari and Napoopa - I wish it were raining.

(Tsk tsk tsk)

08:20pm 07/02/2004
  According to globalrichlist.com I am the 795,705,046 richest person in the world.

Who'd have thunk?

(Tsk tsk tsk)

With apologies to all the men I've dated ...   
02:14pm 07/02/2004
  So, I finally got around to watching "The L Word" pilot. There's a part in there where they're talking about this study. The study says that if your ring finger is longer than your index finger, you're a lesbian. My ring finger is longer than my index finger. You know what that means ...

Line up the pretty ladies!

(7 Tongue cluckers | Tsk tsk tsk)

03:34pm 02/02/2004
mood: sick

I heard a story once about people who didn't get sick all the time. Apparently, some of them can even go weeks - sometimes months without illness.

If they exist, I hate them.

Sick. Sick. Sick.

I don't think I shall die, but one never knows. Today it feels like an improvement. Blech.

Love always,

Alicia the Ill

(Tsk tsk tsk)

Out went the call, to one and to all, that echoed and rolled like the thunder ...   
02:12am 01/02/2004
mood: rejected
Two little kings, playing a game
They gave a war and nobody came
Nobody came
Nobody came
Nobody came
And nobody came.

Well fuck all of you. Like I needed you anyway. Go to hell.

(Disclaimer: When I say "you" I don't mean you. I mean a more proverbial you. Bad.)

Burn baby burn.

Say it often enough, maybe you'll convince yourself.

Now I really do feel like getting fucked up and watching t.v. forever. Boone's Farm, anyone?

(1 Tongue clucker | Tsk tsk tsk)

There's something in your eyes that says ...   
09:44pm 30/01/2004
mood: squonk
"HELP! (this helmet is fusing with my skull)"

Hola. Miss me? I've been around. Nothing terribly exciting. Bronson's back for a week's leave, which is exciting. With windchill, it's 50 below zero here, which is more horrifying and disgusting than anything. Work is the same. Life is the same. Plod. Plod. Clod.

"If I were royalty, I would want a Biggie and a hundred plain burgers. I would throw away all the buns and lay the burgers side by side on the sidewalk so as to form a bed. I would take off all of my clothes and lie down in the bed with my Biggie. As people passed by, I would say 'Behold the meaty bed of royalty! Behold the final Biggie!' And I would relax there until I was arrested."

Do you ever have days when you just stop. Stop. Look. And you see your life and ask yourself, "Is this it? Is this what I have to show for all these years?" This question is, I suppose rhetorical, as one never answers oneself in such a situation. Still though, shouldn't there be more?

"It is rare for a baby to be so bad that it is sentenced to be hanged, and even rarer for the sentence to be carried out, and yet, when a baby is hung, what a pleasant surprise it is for the passerby. Even the passerby whose arms and legs are bound is able to inch up close enough to the tiny, swaying, villanous nugget of softness and know, with his bare cheeck, the threshold through which real evil sinks away."

That is not to say, of course, that there is nothing in life thus far that has had importance and or significance, but just that it feels highly inadequate. Like only half of us are there, some days one-quarter, two-thirds. Something is missing, and yet, yet, yet, there is something there.

"Today the restaurant was filled with warmth, a spirit of caring. The food was just right and the service was prompt. For the first time this season, snow began to fall. Parents laughed with their children. Handsome employees made witty--but not inconsiderate--remarks. Retired couples were given Extra Value coupons. I felt like getting fucked up and watching t.v. forever."

(8 Tongue cluckers | Tsk tsk tsk)

05:48pm 02/01/2004
  Hey - I'm so out of town. I'm in Arizona. I'll read everyone's updates and update myself once I get back. No worries. I'm not dead.

Love always,
Zoltar the magnificent

(Tsk tsk tsk)

So, I'm snooty?   
05:26pm 11/12/2003
mood: bored
High Elf
High Elf: The race of High Elves generally consider themselves to be better than everyone else. They act and look like nobles with their snooty, snobby nature. Skilled fighters, they take great pride in their race. Though they are a prideful race, they won't hesitate to lend a hand when needed, as long as the reward is worth the fight. The High Elves aren't to be feared, but it may be wise to think twice before trusting them.

If You Were an Elf, What Race of Elf Would You Be?
brought to you by Quizilla

Aragorn's Sword:
If you lived in Middle Earth you would wield the sword that was broken also known as Narsil. Huge and extremilly sharp, Narsil is the sword the defeated the dark lord thousands of years ago. Reforged it is one of the greatest swords ever made.

Do You Have What It Takes To Have A Lord of the Rings Weapon?
brought to you by Quizilla

(1 Tongue clucker | Tsk tsk tsk)

Now I'm curious ...   
05:23pm 07/12/2003
mood: curious
Which one do you like best?


(1 Tongue clucker | Tsk tsk tsk)

12:10pm 05/12/2003
  1) What's the middle name of first person you slept with?
Is it bad that I don't know the answer to this question?

2) What kind of underwear are you wearing, and what color are they?
Black Hanes briefs

3) What song do you want played at your funeral?
"Stairway to Heaven"

4) What is the number of your sluttiest friend so that some of your single friends can get some action?

5) What would your last meal be before being executed?
Angel hair pasta, baked ziti with mozarella, garlic toast, pepperoni pizza, McDonalds cheeseburgers and french fries, breadsticks, dom perignon, cristal and ginger ale. (Obviously I wouldn't be able to eat more than like a bite of each, but it'd be fun. Actually, if I was being executed, I'd request a lot of crazy expensive shit, like caviar and stuff, just 'cause, you know, they're killing me.)

6) Beatles or Stones?

7) If you had to pick one person on earth to die, who would it be?
If I say it here, it will come back to haunt me. Just guess.

8) The person whose problems you wouldn't want to hear?

9) What is the thing most important to you about the preferred sex?
The way they treat people (including themselves)

10) Do you secretly hate some of your friends but are too nice to reject them?

11) If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
Witchcraft a la Willow.

12) Favorite hangover cure?
The "hair of the dog that bit you" (i.e. another drink)

13) How many drinks does it take to get you drunk?
Quite a few, and it has to be in quite rapid succession. The upside to being weighty.

14) Favorite Outkast lyric?
"Lend me some sugar / I am your neighbor!' "Shake it like a polaroid picture"

15) Hair color you most like someone you're dating to have?

16) If you had to be blind or deaf, which would you choose?
Deaf - I already know sign.

17) Do you have any psychiatric problems?
Doesn't everyone?

18) Siblings that should go to rehab?
Is there a bitch rehab that teaches you to stop being a hosebag? If so, yes.

19) Least favorite month?
February - I really truly believe that February is short because if it were any longer, everyone would kill themselves.

20) Favorite hateful thing to do to somebody?
Freeze a can of shaving cream then poke a hole in it. Put it in someone's car or lawn or something. It will fill an entire car with shaving cream.

21) First movie you remember seeing as a kid?
How the Grinch Stole Christmas (You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch ...)

22) Favorite person in the whole world?
Is it really really egotistical to say myself?

23) When's the last time you went on a date?
Why is this question always on surveys?

24) Do you like violent movies or dirty movies?
Mel Gibson violent movies, yes. Steven Segal violent movies, no. Dirty movies, eh.

25) Fall or spring?

26) Person you most wish you hadn't made out with?
"Memory, thou midway world, twixt earth and paradise ..." Abe Lincoln.

27) If you are straight, what person of the same sex would you do it with?
Amber Benson

28) Where do you want to live when you are old and brittle?

29) Who is the person you can count on the most?

30) If you could date any celebrity, past or present, time and age are not a factor. Who would it be?
Victor Mature, Michael Nesmith, Streetcar-era Marlon Brando, Peter Lorre

31) What books have you pretended to read?
I don't pretend to read books - I read them.

32) What's a word you'd use to describe your life?

33) What's your favorite drinking game?
The Emperor's New Groove one Alida nad I play

34) What did you dream about last night?

35) Favorite vice?

36) What's the last thing you'd ever tell someone?
What they want to hear if it wasn't the truth.

you are olive

Your dominant hues are red and green, so you're definately not afraid to get in and stir things up. You have no time for most people's concerns, you'd rather analyze with your head than be held back by some random "gut feeling".

Your saturation level is very high - you are all about getting things done. The world may think you work too hard but you have a lot to show for it, and it keeps you going. You shouldn't be afraid to lead people, because if you're doing it, it'll be done right.

Your outlook on life can be bright or dark, depending on the situation. You are flexible and see things objectively.
the spacefem.com html color quiz

(1 Tongue clucker | Tsk tsk tsk)

04:56am 04/12/2003
mood: good
Today, I feel better than I have in a long time.

Thanks Kari, Amanda and Brett.

Bethany - I am not avoiding you. Please don't be hurt. The next time I am home during normal business hours, I shall call you.

Scout's honor.

To everyone on my friends list: I've been crazy busy, but I intend to eventually read through your entries so I'll know what's going down with you.

Love and other indoor sports,

(Tsk tsk tsk)

Alicia, the colossal fuck-up   
11:19am 25/11/2003
mood: quiet desperation
All the K-12 conferences in town are today. I was supposed to go to Sara's at 10. Somehow in my twisted little mind, I got confused and showed up at 11. As you can guess, my parents weren't there and there wasn't a conference for Sara going on. So I call my mom. "This thing was at 10, wasn't it?" I said. It was, of course, and I had totally fucked up. But here's the kicker: she said she just thought, "you didn't feel like getting up and showing up." (A little background: I don't usually get up until at least 1 in the p.m., so 10 a.m. is incredibly early for me to get up and be somewhere by, esp. considering I don't go to sleep most nights until 6 a.m.)

So, I don't show up where I had promised to be, but it's not a cause for concern or even mild worry. It's just "Once again, Alicia didn't care enough to do what she said she'd do." Ouch.

I'm the first person to admit that I'm sort of flaky. But, if it's something important (and this was) I'm there. I'll blow off a class or 10, but if it's something that I need to be doing, I'm there. But people don't view me like that. I'm just a flake because I frequently flake when it's not important.

So, what makes a girl change from regular to flake? Lack of motivation.

Thoreau once said, "We need to learn to awaken ourselves and keep ourselves awake, not by mechanical aids, but by an infinite expectation of the dawn that does not forsake us, even in our soundest sleep." (that's just from mem, so the phrasing could be a little dif) I don't have that. I don't remember the last time I got up for a reason other than an alarm going off, a phone ringing, a building on fire, a loud noise from the room next door or someone yelling at me. And I never really cared.

It's a chore for me to wake up every morning because I don't care. Nothing gets me excited anymore. I can remember motivation, I know it existed once, but it's just so gone now I can't even fathom. I don't care about my jobs, the work I do or the people I know. Will I hang out with people if they call me? Sure. Will I call them? Hell no. I know that, as someone recently put it to me, "the telephone works both ways" but I don't call. Because I don't have enough motivation to do so.

Am I telling you not to call me because I don't care about you? No, of course not. Please call me, but don't be hurt that I'm not the one doing the calling.

In short: I don't care, but if it's important, I will show up. Unless I fuck up the time, in which case, I'll be there an hour late.

(3 Tongue cluckers | Tsk tsk tsk)

sickness and depressin abound   
04:58pm 24/11/2003
mood: listening to Kelly ramble=good
My little brother's crazy sick. Like not breathing sick. Every day I want to bludgeon his birth mother more and more.

I'm worried about my little sister. She reminds me too much of me. Nothing makes her happy, she doesn't talk to people and she spends too much time in her room. She has friends, which I didn't really when I was her age, but she still is too much like me. I spent my whole high school years sick and depressed and I don't want her to end up like that. Grr. Arrgh.

In other news, quiz.

What do people really think about you? by Raven319
favorite song
Parents thinkYou're too sensitive
Strangers thinkYou're hot
Friends thinkYou're wonderful
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

(3 Tongue cluckers | Tsk tsk tsk)

Say hi to Judge Ito!   
02:13pm 22/11/2003
mood: crazy
Guess who got picked for Jury Duty?

I'm crazy excited.

(10 Tongue cluckers | Tsk tsk tsk)

Robert Romano is dead   
09:29pm 20/11/2003
mood: ironical
... and I was just saying last week how much I liked him.

Fucking hell that sucks.

(8 Tongue cluckers | Tsk tsk tsk)

01:48am 19/11/2003
Here's a fun activity that I stole from belovedwarrior.

Here's what you do. Reply to this anonymously with anything you want to say. It can be about you or me or both or neither. It can be a secret, a story, a poem, song lyrics, something nonsensical. Anything, really. It doesn't matter, because since it's anonymous, nobody will know it's you.

(9 Tongue cluckers | Tsk tsk tsk)

The winner!   
09:33am 18/11/2003
I did it in 9</big></b> seconds.
I deserved an A+!!
Take the How Dexterous Are You? Quiz!!

(Tsk tsk tsk)

Sometimes it's not so easy to be ....   
09:53pm 16/11/2003
mood: guilty
Sorry for anyone I concerned with my last post.

Here's the short version:

For the past year I've been falling further and further into this guy I met, who for various reasons, was and is totally off-limits for me. Things between us accelerated in the last few months. Last week everything took a horrible turn. He got fired because of me. I screwed up big time.

The long version I'm not going to share, because it's long and complicated.

I feel so stupid. I spent some time with my mom (obviously not telling her what happened, 'cause that's with the bad) and I feel better.

For I am Alicia, queen of cretins, may all lesser cretins bow before me.

(4 Tongue cluckers | Tsk tsk tsk)

01:28am 14/11/2003
  Things are ... complicated.

I still love you. I know I fucked up, but I still love you.

(1 Tongue clucker | Tsk tsk tsk)

01:29am 10/11/2003

You must watch this.

(2 Tongue cluckers | Tsk tsk tsk)

05:28pm 05/11/2003
  Things that are stellar:

The new 50 pic capabilities of livejournal.

Check it out: http://www.livejournal.com/allpics.bml?user=snowgeckel

(1 Tongue clucker | Tsk tsk tsk)

06:29pm 03/11/2003
  You are


"Sweet, lumpy minion. You're the only one that understands. Probably because I haven't sucked your brain out yet."

What "Buffy" Character Are You?


(Tsk tsk tsk)

All that she wants ...   
05:20am 03/11/2003
mood: depressed
Let him go! Let him go!
It's too late for healing.
Put an end to the pain
That we know he is feeling.

His life is his burden
His death is his right.
Let's send him off gently
Into that good night.

I apologize for not updating in a few years (it seems that long anyway ...) and for not reading everyone's entries and commenting or anything. I'm the devil and you may feel free to hate me.

Turning 20 totally fucked me over. All I've been able to think about for the last month is what I want to do with my life and how every day I get further and further from that. Everyone thinks I want to do journalism. I don't. Those that aren't suffering under that delusion, think I want to teach. I don't. That's a back-up. If what I really want to do completely falls through, that's what I'll end up with.

So now, you've either quit reading or you're asking, "So, what is it she wants then?" If you've stopped reading, it's silly for me to address you further. If you've got a query, I'll solve it (so check out the beat while the DJ revolves it ...). What I want to do - what I've always wanted to do, really - is write. I want to move to Seattle and spend the rest of my days in the Rainy City typing and mailing packages and getting royalty checks and honorariums. I want to know that every time I go outside, there will be someone there who has read something I've written and who thinks I'm awesome.

But I'm a gigantic pansy (and not the pretty flower either) and so I know I won't.

On my computer right now, is 10 completed books and more short stories than you can shake a stick at. On my desk are print-outs from literary contests I know I'll never have the guts to enter. In my head are hundreds of story ideas I know I'll never write out. In my heart are dreams I will never follow and goals I'll never achieve.

Instead, I shall remain, as ever, sitting in the frigid north land where 10 degrees fahrenheit is warm and 10 degrees celsius is sweltering. I'll go to work every day in a job I hate, marry I guy I don't like because I don't feel I can do better, adopt a ton of children I don't really want, die early and become a cautionary tale. "Here lies Alicia. She could have done something, but she let herself hold her back."

Of course, I don't know what else I could do that would give me the courage. A lot of it comes down to the bottom line. I don't have the money to quit school and my jobs and just do what I want to do.

So what do I do? Pray that I win the lottery and gain a whole heaping helpful of courage all in the same night? Here's hoping.

Of course, if any of you have a few extra grand laying around, feel free to send it my way. I'll add it to the fund and give you an autographed copy of my first book.


(2 Tongue cluckers | Tsk tsk tsk)

05:28pm 23/10/2003
mood: excited
My copy of Chance just came in the mail, as did my autographed photo of Amber Benson. I'm so excited!

I'll let you know what I think after I review it.

(6 Tongue cluckers | Tsk tsk tsk)

04:50am 21/10/2003
Buffy Slashy Match-Up! by ciccone4
Your Name
Buffy Boy #1Warren
Buffy Boy #2Principal Wood
Orgasms Reached48
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

Buffy Slashy Match-Up! by ciccone4
Your Name
Buffy Babe #1Amanda
Buffy Babe #2Glory
Orgasms Reached50
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

(2 Tongue cluckers | Tsk tsk tsk)

08:27pm 19/10/2003
mood: poor
If only I could justify the expense ....


I'd dress in a black suit. I'm taking Jason and Devin trick or treating, so I could dress them in white straightjackets and have them follow me around.

(2 Tongue cluckers | Tsk tsk tsk)

Huzzah for the upbeat entry!   
03:12am 18/10/2003
mood: cold
Every year on my birthday, I make a list of the top (how old I am, in this case 20) things I've accomplished in the previous year. This year's list, in no particular order, is as follows:

In the past year, I have:

1. Moved back in with my parents.

2. Moved out of my parents' home again.

3. Dated the biggest slimeball my campus had to offer.

4. Doubled the size of my DVD collection.

5. Re-discovered Frank Sinatra and Elvis.

6. Gotten imaginary married and had four imaginary kids.

7. Been depressed that I'll never be able to actually have kids, despite the fact that kids are smelly and annoying.

8. Gotten the "job of my dreams" that I never wanted and would hand back in a minute.

9. Been kicked out of a class for badmouthing a Shakespearean character.

10. Lost the entire contents of my hard drive.

11. Spent a month in a depressed funk because an episode of CSI hit too close to home.

12. Spent 12 grand (give or take)

13. Driven away my very first (non-family) roommate.

14. Shifted from the teenaged perspective into a more adult perspective and desperately wished to go back.

15. Been the proverbial "this close" to getting a minor in consumption, but managed to hide in a bathroom despite the drunken haze.

16. Beaten my popcorn addiction (it means nothing to you, but it was/is a huge deal for me)

17. Made up with my mother, establishing a friendlier, if still somewhat uneasy, relationship.

18. Stopped biting my nails.

19. Wanted desperately to quit.

20. Kept going.

(2 Tongue cluckers | Tsk tsk tsk)

Nothing to report ...   
01:19am 04/10/2003

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

(3 Tongue cluckers | Tsk tsk tsk)

10:51pm 03/10/2003
mood: numb
I was bored and feeling kind of crappy, so I decided to go home for supper. I ended up going shopping with my mom and she dropped a bomb. She and my father are revising their will and they want to give me legal guardianship of my sister (she has special needs and so will never be able to take care of herself) if something should happen to them.


It's not as if I don't understand that my parents won't live forever. With the way my father's been looking lately, I wouldn't be entirely surprised if he didn't live to see me graduate from college. It's just not something I ever wanted to think about. Now, I need to start taking an active role in her care so that if (when?) something happens to them, I know what to do and I can take over.

It's not that I have a problem with being chosen as the one who would take over her care - I don't see how any of my other siblings would be able to do it anyway - I just don't want to think about it. My parents have begun looking so very old to me in the past few months that it scares me. Despite what I may have said in the past, I do love my parents and I would be bummed if something happened to them.

I'm not sure what I started out to say here, and I'm not sure where I've gone. It was just scary sitting next to my mother, talking to her about her death.

She also sort of insinuated that if something were to happen to her before my brothers turned 18, she would expect me/want me to fight for custody of them too. A mother of three in a matter of days ...

I will be 20 in 10 days and I have never felt so old.

(1 Tongue clucker | Tsk tsk tsk)

12:48pm 03/10/2003
mood: angry
Do me a favor:

If you work for me and you want to quit, have the balls to do it to my face instead of by e-mail.

Thank you for your consideration in this matter.

(1 Tongue clucker | Tsk tsk tsk)

09:39pm 24/09/2003
mood: pained

(2 Tongue cluckers | Tsk tsk tsk)

06:06pm 23/09/2003
  Not going to panic. Not going to panic. Not going to panick.

I should be in the office right now, but I told everyone I had to run back to my place and program my VCR to record 8 Simple Rules (like I would forget John Ritter? I had it programmed last night.) so I could have a moment to freak out in peace.

What am I going to do?

Sam, you are my hero for trying to think of how to help me. I appreciate you.

I will not panic.


(1 Tongue clucker | Tsk tsk tsk)

Things would be better if John Ritter were here ...   
10:48pm 22/09/2003
mood: crappy
I'm so fucking pissed I can't even see straight. I can't think straight. Nothing's straight tonight.

One of my section editors has been having problems this year. She came to me about two weeks ago to let me know she was feeling uncomfortable. She and I met and went over things and talked about stuff for two hours. She said she felt a lot better and I thought that was the end of it.

Tonight, I get an e-mail from her with a detailed list of complaints about the paper. In the end, she tells me she's quitting and asks me to call her.

So I call. She's not there, I leave a message.

She calls back.

And proceeds to rant for 13 minutes without letting me get a word in edgewise. Although she was quick to point out that it wasn't my fault, she sure made me feel like it. In short, she feels overwhelmed and like no one is supporting her.

NO ONE IS SUPPORTING HER?!?!?!! What the fuck? I've spent hours going over things with her, working with her, trying to help her. I've added hours onto my work load, put off work I needed to be doing for my own pages to help her with hers and ...

Anyway, I'm pissed because now I need to find a new section editor. Plus, she ends the phone conversation and her e-mail with this shit: "Don't be upset." Well how the fuck am I supposed to be not upset? I'm in charge of this fucking ship and she's bailing? And, of course, I'm going to have to lie when I see her tomorrow and tell her that everything's okay and that I'm not upset and that things will be fine and that I'm not irreparably damaged and that I'm not feeling like a colossal failures in the one thing that I felt like I could really do well this year.

Some days, I wish I could quit. Homie don't play that, though, eh?

Those of you that are affiliated with the MSUM community, please keep this on the downlow until I figure out what the hell I'm doing. I don't want people all over me about what I'm going to do until I know what I'm going to do.

I have no idea what's going on.


(3 Tongue cluckers | Tsk tsk tsk)

12:42am 22/09/2003
mood: happy

If you can see my new user pic, you understand the reason for the huzzah. If you can't, http://www.livejournal.com/allpics.bml?user=snowgeckel


Also, http://www.mnstate.edu/advocate/CE/OpEd/007.htm (my latest column).

(Tsk tsk tsk)